Sometimes I feel crazy. I feel like my world is spinning out of control and I don't know what is going on. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, scared and excited all at the same time. Is it this constant connected feeling? Everyone expecting me to pick up the phone or answer a text at a moments notice? Is it the constant Mom, Mom, Mom from my wonderful but crazy children? Is it the emptiness inside my heart because my dad is not here and it's not by his choice or my choice but by the cruel hand of fate?

My emotions feel like a whirlwind. Tossing me back and forth from the shore of contentment to the shores of anger and fear. The foreboding other shoe to drop hangs over my head. Life is so beautiful and good right now and in these moments I sense the shadow looming. Maybe growing up in the life I had where it seemed bad things happened every day is what has shaped this. It leaves me questioning my faith. Wondering am I good enough to be a Christ follower?

The answer coming back to it doesn't matter how good am I. Somehow despite all my crazy I'm loved by my heavenly Father. Even when I'm screaming at my kids because they won't listen or won't stop coming out of their rooms. Even when I'm wondering why when I open myself up people scatter. Even when I feel more alone then ever despite being in a crowd. God loves me. He brings me calm amidst the turmoils of my inner storms.

This is my moment right now and I don't really have much more to add. If you happen upon this and think "she's mad." That's fine because these blogs aren't for you. They are between me and God but if you resonant or have something to add or share please don't hesitate to contact me.